Still Quarantined

As we continue to basically be quarantined, with a few exceptions, for almost 7 months now, I find myself having good days and bad days. The good days are those where I feel balanced, productive and stay active but one problem at work or a day where sleep is low and the good days turn bad and the following days continue to feel bad. It doesn’t bother my husband much but for me if I don’t stay active and productive it makes me frustrated, depressed, and tired. The funny thing is that six months in now, I have had to learn this lesson about ten times. I forget! It has been about five days this time feeling isolated, frustrated, depressed and tired. Tears sneak up on me as my thoughts are stuck on how life is different and lonely. Once I get to a point that I can’t take it anymore and I start looking for answers, then I remember but it’s like it is a faint memory that I cannot quite put my finger on. This time I was even talking to my husband about maybe I needed some antidepressant medications or something because I felt that I was stuck in a hole of ineffectiveness and lack of motivation. He usually adds that it must be hormones but when I have cycled through this same issue three times this month, I don’t think we can just blame it on hormones.

So this morning I woke up early, like 5am early, and went downstairs to have some quiet time. The only time that I can feel like I am actually off the clock. No one is expecting anything or needing anything or interrupting me at 5am. As I, for the tenth time, worked to understand what I needed to do to have less bad days during this pandemic, I came across 2 Peter 1:5-8. “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (NIV)

I realized this was it. I had come to faith as a child and over the years I have grown in goodness, and in writing my book Perspective, I have grown in knowledge, spending more time studying the Bible than ever before. Self control that’s definitely one that I struggle with on those bad days. On bad days, I know I should do the laundry, or plan for homeschooling, or balance the checkbook, but I just don’t. I know I should exercise, avoid sugar, eat healthy and feed my kids well, but I don’t. I feel tired and a little sad so I just don’t.

I started my quiet time at 5am thinking that it was SELF CONTROL. That was my problem and as I read what the Bible said about self control I wondered how on good days I can be self controlled. I learned over the last two years how to have self control over food, be disciplined to keep a schedule and exercise regularly. I spent years training my flawed mind to focus on heavenly things and so why was it so easy on those bad days to have little self control and feel controlled by feelings of tiredness and a hint of sadness and grief. This verse explains it.

PERSEVERANCE. That is where I need to grow. When things are hard, like enduring this pandemic and all the stressors and isolation that brings, we are to grow in perseverance. It’s funny because what my husband has been interested in and learning about is the end times, and perseverance of the Believers has been something we have been talking about. So maybe this will be a family lesson, what a blessing that will be.

Friend, as I sit here with worship music playing in my headphones realizing where I need to grow, I want to encourage you to reread 2 Timothy and ask yourself where you need to grow today. Maybe you are still working on developing goodness or knowledge or self control. Or maybe you have learned self control and to persevere and even grown in godliness but you are struggling to fully embrace it or you haven’t grown in mutual affection in this charged political climate.

Friend, How are you doing with the pandemic? Do you have more good days or bad days? Where do you need to grow? Identifying your growth areas is the first step. Then take it to the Lord and ask Him to bring about growth in you. As I develop in perseverance, I will be on a journey to become self controlled, intentional and consistent.

Prayer: Father God thank you for loving me. Thank you for never giving up on me even when I have to learn the same lesson over and over again. Lord help me to grow in the areas you have in front of me. Protect me from distraction and schemes of the enemy to knock me off track.